Jun 1
Venisse , Posted on SUPPORT NETWORK Blog

What the hell was that?

While walking around in Brooklyn I went blind. Just like that I had to stop walking. I removed my glasses and vigorously rubbed my eyes. "What the hell is going on?" was the immediate thought going through my head. It was as though a film had glazed over my eyes and I thought I would eventually rub it off. I rubbed and rubbed and rubbed.......eventually I could see again. I put on my glasses and went back to work.  At some other time weeks maybe months later it happened again.  And again not even considerng the bigger picture I went back to work.

Survival was the only option.  Work, work, work work, work.....that's all I could focus on.  I was a supervisor at a non-profit making under $50,000 but living in a shelter with my kids.  I needed to work to be able to apply for apartments. I couldn't afford to be sick.  I put it off....whatever this was, it wasn't happening to me.  I was too busy trying to get out of the shelter I didn't have time to be sick.  Months later when I was laid off, but in an apartment, I started researching my symptoms and found what I thought was the answer to my experience.  "A stroke?" No way, I'm still very young...too young for a stroke.....or so I thought.  My memory was immediately affected
into what I joked about as dimensia....My circle of friends started calling me Dory (referring to the forgetful fish played by Ellen Degeneres in Disney's "Findng Nemo").

As time went by, I forgot more and more.  Normally I'm very verbose with a great command of the English language, I found myself "ummm" ing far too often for my taste.  I became heavily reliant on synonym finders when writing.  After obtaining the apartment, I was grateful for the lay off....the job was nothing but stress, surely the main cause of my strokes.  My daughter was emloyed full-time  and I felt confident that along with my unemployment we'd be able to pay our bills-- I might be able to attend Law School for at least the first year before returning to work (don't judge me). But soon I lost all confidence as I realized my memory was rapidly escaping, my loss for words became apparent.  It was frustrating to see my brilliant mind slip into an abyss.  I didn't know what I could do because I needed to go back to work if I wasn't going to school. 

Today I still work... I still have a loss for words....I'm still extremely forgetful.... When I stop to think about it I have no idea how it is I am able to still work.  I feel like a walking miracle because my mind is disappearing into thin air and yet I get up every day and function like I'm normal when in reality I'm lost and confused.
  • Samantha1018
    You are a miracle and there is always a better tomorrow. PLEASE don't stop believing and don't stop striving to be the best you can be and it will all come together again!
  • Cora
    I hope you have seen a doctor. Symptoms could mean a number of things. But you need to get help now. God bless and keep you. Stress can cause a lot of problems but you need to find what is happening.
  • godservan
    Reality can be frightening but the greatest gift you have is knowing you are a miracle. When Jesus ascend to heaven he said I send my holy spirit, call upon the holy spirit to lead to guidee, as obviously he is doing just that in your life. God is using your testament to uplift some one, now ake time out for yourself. To live for today, to enjoy your life he has given to you, to seek medical help. And to remember their are people out here in cyber land that care and love abundantly. God loves you, so do I. Praying for you. All is not lost
  • trvlgy2u
    You are a fighter but see a Opt.h.......................you are brilliant!!
  • 3Sevens
    I had the same thing happen to me in 2007, I was home on my computer I have a large monitor and a really bright light appeared it was so bright I closed my eyes and turned away from the monitor and when I opened them I could not see everything BLACK. My husband thought I had been working on the computer too long and just need to laid down and relax. I told him I could not see and I asked him if my eyes were open and he said yes they are open, it last for about 10 minutes. The next day I went to my Ophthalmologist and I explained what had happen he said I had Amauros Fugax and he ask if I have a Cardiologist I said yes and he had his assistance call my Cardiologist and I had to go straight to his office and he order me to have an echocardiography and CT scan and told me I had a stroke TIA and he put me on more medication. It never happened again to me, but my cardiologist said it could happen again at anytime and that is scary. Something has caused it to happen to you and you need to see your doctor, its very serious.
  • purple heart
    purple heart,
    Please go get medical help now! Your life is important! The next time might be too late! Go to the hospital , a walk in clinic or make an impoundment with a doctor TODAY! I wish you the best!
  • purple heart
    purple heart,
    Appointment ( sorry for the typo )
  • Dottie19
    I am visually impaired and can't read your font because there is not enough contrast.
    I can attest to the fact that this is very serious. I had that temporary complete lost of sight while driving, just a couple days before I had my 1st stroke. So I concur with the previous post. that advised you to "Please go get medical help now! Your life is important! The next time might be too late! Go to the hospital , a walk in clinic or make an immediate appointment with a doctor TODAY! I' was wheelchair-bound for almost six years. It was not fun losing your freedom to go anywhere and do anything at anytime you want without someone to bring your wheelchair Seek proper diagnosis and treatment quickly.. I wish you the best! Cheers!
  • Bevrly
    So sorry for your problems. I think you should definitely see a doctor and get some hep before it is too late. These things are happening for a reason so find out what is going on before it is too late. Beverly
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