May 29
patty608 , Posted on SUPPORT NETWORK Blog


%u200BApril 27, 2016 started out to be a good day.  My brother in law & his wife were visiting from NY (I live in Florida). We went to the beach, shopping and then came home to make a nice dinner we were going to eat on the back patio.  As I was in the kitchen cooking with my sister in law I began to feel as if my throat was burnt.  I honestly thought that somehow the steam from the stove burned my throat.  With a lot of water it still wasn't going away.  I tried to ignore it and continued with dinner. I sat outside with everyone including my husband. I ate dinner but was still bothered by my burning throat.
%u200BI finally decided that I needed to step away and went into my bedroom.  As time went on the throat got worse and i started feeling painful chest discomfort along with back and shoulder and neck pain.  I was sure I was coming down with something and even thought the pain in my chest was being caused by a gas pocket.  My husband came into the room a couple of times checking on me and to see if I needed to go to ER. No,I said....this will pass.  After a couple of hours my husband came into bed to sleep.  This has now be going on for at least 3 hours.  I tried to go to sleep hoping it would all pass but was unable.  I started to feel nauseus and finally woke my husband saying "i think im having a heart attac" but that was just a phrase to me....I never thought I was really having a heart attack.  On the way to the ER I started having the worst jaw was horrible.  Within minutes at the ER I was hooked up to an EKG and a Dr. stood over me and said i was having a heart attack...the room immediately filled with nurses and doctors.  IV's were started, chewable aspirin, and nitro under my tongue.  Then i was wheeled into operating room where a Cardiologist put in 2 stents through my groin.  I needed 3 stents but they wanted to wait and see how I would react to the dye because i am diabetic.  I had the 3rd stent put in the next day through my wrist.  It was and still is so surreal to me.  I am going to cardiac rehab 3 days a week.  I am now taking a whole bunch of new meds but the biggest thing is that I am so scared.  Every minute of everyday I am so very scared that it's going to happen again. I feel like everyone's life has moved on except mine. Because i appeared fine thanks to modern medicine, everyone thinks I am fine.  I feel so alone and I feel nobody gets it. In my head I feel I can go at any minute and I look around and watch my husband going to work. I watch my friends go on with their lives and all I want to do is shout from the rooftops "hey everybody, I'm dying"!  Does anyone else have these feelings?
  • Carolebaldwin
    It seems to me that you need professional assistance in dealing with your anxiety. Perhaps meeting with a therapist and/or taking anti-anxiety medication will help you over this rough patch. I wish you well in your journey to full recovery.
  • tormedic
    The most important message you can take from me us that you normal and ok and your feelings are real and legitimate. And yes its hard for others to see the physical side be good but don't get the hidden emotional side of this event I Completly understand my day was march 19th and It was much less eventful then yours. If I wasn't a paramedic i night have missed my very subtle signs As for the feeling of impending Doom and waiting for the other shoe to drop and having others looking at me saying I look fine and should just be grateful that I was another chance that pissed me off that thought I may look great on the outside but inside i feel Fear anxeity Intreipedation Sad Depressed. What they don't tell you is that the depression post mi is very real and is as real as the heart attack. I have good and bad days I am complicated as I also have PTSD from being a paramedic. Make sure you treat the hole person :) Not just the heart. But the soul and mind Steve
  • patty608
    thank you have read my mind.
  • Bobcat
    The call for independence... "Consider The Journey In Blade of Grass... It Take Place Beneath the Surface... And the Road He Travel Upon Call the... Least Resistant!..." © Thanks for sharing!
  • cgdirector
    Patty, I went through the same thing on March 3, 2016. I was actually at work when my symptoms started. I knew what it was within 10 minutes of the symptoms which was primarily chest pain/pressure, tachycardia, and profuse sweating. I work 3/4 of a mile from a Level 1 trauma center with a state of the art heart institute. By the time they loaded me onto the ambulance and went that 3/4 of a mile, I had coded. Thankfully, a cardiologist was waiting for the ambulance. After some CPR and 1 hit from the AED, they brought me back. I awoke in the cath lab where they were putting a stent in through the radial artery in my arm. A couple of hours later while I was in the CICU, I started to have the exact same symptoms again. Needless to say, I was FREAKING out. The symptoms lasted for about 5 minutes and then went away. The cardiologists and nurses checked me out and said all of the diagnostics came back fine. I was in the hospital for 5 days because I continued to have those same attacks. Finally an electro diagnostic cardiologist diagnosed me with ectopic Areial tachycardia. He stated that we would have to manage it either with medications, a Cardiac ablation, or be cardioverted (shocked again). I went home having these episodes as well as spikes in my blood pressure. I was having panic attacks on top of this because I didn't know whether I was having a heart attack or the atrial tachycardia. I was afraid to go to sleep because I felt I wouldn't wake again. I went to work the day after I got out if the hospital because I didn't want To be left alone at home and I wanted to be as close to the hospital as Possible. I was going through despair and anger when I should have been grateful. All of this for a 49 year old male who had never had high blood pressure nor any weight issues. Thanks to my wife, my medications, my cardiology team, and my faith my my Lord and Savior, I stated to j prove after about a month. Per my my wife's request, I also started going to a counselor that specializes in dealing with post heart attack psychological issues. I always ate well but now I eat extremely healthy. When I started walking, that helped as well. My best advice is to seek counseling because PTSD, anxiety, depression, and anxiety are extremely common afte Heart attacks. IT WILL GET BETTER. It's just gonna take some time. Am I 100% right now emotionally? No. But I am So much better after 3 months. I will pray for you Patty for God to give you the strength that you'll need to get through this.
  • connectcare
    Patty, Absolutely I have felt this way for TWO YEARS now. I had five heart surgeries (3 in 12) hours, was on dialysis, had three codes (2 v-fibs, one heart attack) and was in critical condition for nearly three months in 2014. I can honestly say at first I was so envious of anyone who could walk. I was in a wheelchair and a walker. Now, I still envy those who can confidently travel. I LOVED solo travel to Europe before this life event changed everything. Please honor your feelings, and know you are not alone. I recently found this resource, and it is a God-send for me. I am making miraculous recovery--much more slowly than I would like, but I'll take it. Hug yourself from me. I wish I had an in person support group, however, I have been unsuccessful in locating one. I get scared when I am out because of bouts of dissociation, however, I will not give up. Please don't give up, Patty. Things can get better.
  • connectcare
    I've been unsuccessful finding a therapist who specializes specifically in post heart surgery psychological issues in the Denver, CO area. HELP!
  • michael6185
    Patty, as you can see, you're note alone in your feelings. I share them as well. For me, its been 10 months now since I had my SCA. I was actually at the gym working out as I normally do 6 days a week. I had no symptoms leading up to the heart attack nor have I had any symptoms post heart attack. I lost consciousness while on the stair machine and CPR was started on my by a gym employee (he saved my life ... literally). I was taken to the hospital, a very fine one, and two stents were placed. I had 3 90% blockages in the LAD and was very lucky to be alive. I was kept in a coma for 4 days in the ICU. My first memory was being in the ICU and being told I was being moved to a private room (what? I'm in the hospital? What for??). 4 days later I was released and a few months later started cardiac rehab. I returned to work 6 weeks after the heart attack and in fine health and feeling much stronger. At the stage you're at now I was also very fearful and anxious. After talking to a few folks its been better but since I still go to the same gym I am constantly reminded of that day which is a good thing. Keep going to rehab, it will help you to feel less anxious to see your progress while you're being monitored.
  • Samantha1018
    I went through the same thing this past April. I believe that when we come so close to our own mortality, there is fear. For the first few weeks at home I slept with the television on. Now, 7 weeks later, I can fall asleep without it and the darkness brings peace. I only had one stent put it, one cath through my wrist and now, I embrace life and all it brings to me and every second and every moment is a gift that I am so appreciative for.
  • MauiMark
    Hello Patti, I know exactly how you are feeling. It is so good to hear other people have the same experience. I suffer from heart failure and a severley leaking valve that the enlargement of my heart has damaged. I am a very high candidate for sudden cardiac arrest. I have a pacemaker with a defribulator in case my heart ever does suddenly stop. I am 56 years young. A couple of years ago I would have never imagined it. I have a very low ef of 20% yet I look fine. I have always lived a very healthy lifestyle. The doctors can not tell what caused my cardiomyopathy or heart failure because I have no other symptoms. No diabetes, kidneys and organs are fine and on the outside I appear a healthy normal 56 year young man. I do have chronic fatigue and I can feel that something is seriously wrong with my body, but everyone around me does not understand the feelings inside. Wondering if the icd will go off, feeling that, "yes you are dying" and the inevetable heart transplant that is the only solution I have with my condition. In the meantime friends and family all like to think things are fine. Because we may appear fine on the outside. Remember that all these people around you love you. Thats why they want you to be fine and human nature gives us denial. This is why you have places like this to tell people how you are feeling, and as you can see there are many people out here that feel the same way you do. Support groups and friends you can meet there are the best prescription. I try to live one day at a time and live in the momment. Right now this very second I am fine, beacuse I am sitting here typing this message to another human being that feels the same way. I am self employed with a large company. I had to close the doors at 56 years young. I loved my my work, but the stresses along with it are not worth the price. So I can easily get into feeling the same way that life is passing me by. But this is a life changer. There is always a blessing in disguise. reach out to people and help others with the same thing you are going through. Check for support groups in your area. Give yourself a chance to do what you love to do and be selfish. Mark
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