Dec 19
Troodles , Posted on SUPPORT NETWORK Blog

My husband's behavior is breaking my heart

In March 2016, my 72 year old husband had a brain stem stroke.  It frightened both of us.  He responded well to rehab and was able to return home with some in-home physical therapy.  Within a month he returned to work part-time and by July he was back to work full-time.  Work has been good physical and emotional therapy for him.  He does still have some balance issues and walks with a cane.  His speech does slur when he is tired and a full day of work can be exhausting for him.  I have been thinking we really have been blessed because it could have been so much worse.  He is taking his medications and following up with his doctors.

However, he has experienced a personality change.  He has become emotionally involved with his administrative assistant, who was just an administrative assistant before the stroke.  I can see he is frightened that he could have another stroke and life is too short so he needs to get with it.  I am fortunate because I have the support of a comunity of friends who understand family trauma.  They are wonderful and I know I will be okay no matter what.  I am angry right now and do not feel very caring or loving towards my husband.  I knew our relationship would change as a result of the stroke but I was not prepared for this.

  • AHAASAKatie
    My thoughts and prayers are for both of you at this time. Katie
  • Elizabeth17
    I'm so sorry that your going through this. Since you say that you have the support of a wonderful community of friends I would lean on them for sure. You are very lucky that you have them. I think that all of your feelings of anger and not feeling caring or loving towards him are totally normal for any woman in your situation. I of course can't give marital advise in this forum - but I only wish the best for you my friend.
  • JaneV
    I do understand the personality change of heart/stroke patients. My husband of 8 years age 72, has had 5 TIAs according to his doctors at Mayo Clinic. His balance is impaired and since he has other prevailing health issues days get difficult as he is NOT the person he once was. He is homebound and very dependant on me as the primary caregiver. I often feel like a paid staff and then there are days when we can connect. I suggest surrounding yourself with loving people who also know him. Continue to look after yourself and try to treat him with love and caring and when it is possible be truthful about your concerns. Perhaps at Christmas he will see that memories are important and the people who stand beside him to help him, and have helped him through the good and not so good times are truly important. He may be frightened of another stroke and I do understand that as well. We all live each day with the understanding the past is gone, the future unknown and today we have what God gives us. I pray for a solution that will bring you peace.
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