Mar 29
Vera Mariner
Vera Mariner , Posted on SUPPORT NETWORK Blog

My husband has changed

My husband had a heart attack in Feb. His personality has changed drastically. He has become verbally aggressive and overly sensitive. The environment is toxic. He either won't speak to me or challenges everything I say. He is not the same person. Had 4 stents placed.
  • Twilightoculus
    It is common for heart attack survivors to experience overwhelming anxiety, depression, anger, and develop PTSD. I hope he comes to terms with his disorder and you two go back being close. Try to be understandable. It's a life changing situation. There's going to be periods of irrational anger and fear and he may take it out on you at times. Just be strong. Support him. Reach out to him and help him with his development. I wish you the best.
  • AHAASAKatie
    I am so sorry that you both are experiencing this. Twilightoculus mentioned PTSD and I think that is a very relevant concern for both of you. Will he consider therapy to help work through his feelings? Anger, anxiety and fear are all common after life changing events and a heart attack is a life changing event. Please know that we are here for both of you. Best Katie
    I went through a similar stage. It lasted quite a while. 6-9 months. Also, could it be possible that he had a stroke too? My mom had chf for years and at different times would have small strokes. A few times her personality would change, but once her brain rewired she came back around. You also mentioned that he questions you. The biggest thing that irked me was that all of my life I had felt in control and could overcome anything. I always knew when something was going wrong and usually could head it off before it was a problem. The heart attack made me realize I was no longer able to "know" my health status. This took a while for me to process.
  • nova3828
    Yep, The feeling of being out of control with your own body is terrible. Please try to give him more time and I agree with the PTSD. I felt like I experienced that. Try not to question him too much or make him feel stupid, I is horribl when you are already questioning yourself and your abilities to feel that someone else is questioning them as well. As males we are told from a very young age that we have to be strong and should be able to handle anything. It is hard to come to terms with being a mere human and not bullet proof.
    i had 3 stents placed in my right coronary artery and have never been the same since. Had you and your husband been emotionally close prior to his event? I feel for you. My man and I are separating right now because I have changed so much and I did not feel he was emotionally available when I needed him the most. May God bless you in the hopes that you both can pull thru these changing times,
  • HeartAttacktto5K
    I hope over time you and your husband can adjust to the truly life changing affects this can leave. I had 6 stents put in and what helped me stay out of the depression mode is reading and educating myself on what I experienced and how other survivors can cope. Everyone's story is slightly different; I do accept that I didn't take steps to stay healthy enough to avoid a heart attack despite my family history. I made poor life choices, but I cannot look backwards...Only keep moving forward. Talking through the process with my surgeon also helped give me confidence of dealing with what I can and cannot do in the future. My surgeon was great at presenting the positive side of healing. The fact your husband is still here is a gift of a second chance...He needs to decide when it's time to move forward in his mind and I believe he will. The first 30 days I was terrified of every change in heart beat...So I can sympathize with him...Just be a sounding board and he will hopefully start to enjoy life again... Thanks Joe
  • aussiegram
    I have had 2 cryptogenic strokes, the 2nd stroke 12/22/16. no lasting permanent damage, except fatigue. It has taken me 3 months to recover from the 2nd stroke. I don't know why it happens, but I understand your husband being more angry/aggressive & emotional. For me, it was like I had no patience for other people making mistakes. I was very impatient, especially with my husband. I needed sleep & being left alone for a while, so I could read & relax. I do not know why we need time to recover, but we do. My husband was not really helpful, but my daughter was fantastic!!!!!! Is your husband working or retired? what does he enjoy? eg, dogs, reading, etc... Hang in there to both of you... Felicity
  • steedo
    Hi Stroke bloke from down under. When one has a stroke or severe heart attack one goes through a grieving process like any grieving for a third person. Anger , Denial, depression, blame/guilt and finally and necessary -acceptance. It is a grieving for the self you used to be. There is as part of that an insecurity that you may be not as valued as you were prior to the event. One lives with an anxiety that it may happen again at any moment; a feeling that when not managed is with you 24/7. I suspect your husband is going through all of this. Once I became aware of this I was able to slowly accept the new paradigm of me. The more he feels valued the better it will be for all of you. Molly coddling will make it worse.
  • ActiveLarry
    Uncalled for behavior. He can recover as well as he wants to, but it takes time and some measure of intelligence to have enough sense to eat healthier.
  • JaneV
    When my husband could have been described as you have yours it was partly due to his drugs. Most of the change in personality was because his life was changed and he had not been able to see that life beyond a heart attach is very possible and may even be better than before. They always say time heals all things but I do not agree totally anymore to that statement BUT things did get better but until he gets back to more activity and can resume doing things he once enjoyed he will be angry, emotional, aggressive. abusive and rude if he chooses to be. Hopefully he will begin to see that living life and dealing with issues and people is a choice as it was before the heart attack(if it is not his meds) In the meantime give him a wide berth, focus on some time for you so you stay strong and pray each day. My husband continues to have serious health issues and I recognize that in his case we are dealing with end of life situations so I do as I have suggested you do but giving him a wide berth means 24/7 care and I am his only caregiver. I pray a lot and each day becomes a blessing.
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