Nov 21
LILYTLOVE68
LILYTLOVE68 , Posted on SUPPORT NETWORK Blog

Help Me Help My Daughter....

Hi  Everyone,
%u200B My name is Liliana and i have a beautiful daughter named Amanda who is 26.   4 Years ago My daughter suffered a Brain Aneurysm on her left side of her brian the size of a banana above her ear from top to bottom.  From being a normal 21 year old working, driving having a boyfriend all was normal... Untill one day while she got on the parkway (hightway)  as per her own  words she dosent remember driving anywhere or how she got to her boyfriends house which was about 30 min away.. I still cant believe how she did that but ..Dr.s informed us that it was by memeory that got her their even while her brain was drowning in blood... Amazing!!  how she didnt get into an accident.  When she got to his house she tryied to put the key in the keyhole and couldnt.  So his sister opened the door and Amanda was in a gaze, eyes glossy and slured speach.  Her boyfriend called me and said something is wrong with Amanda.. he explained and i said take her to the er.. Within 2 hours we were told that she had a stroke and they needed to do an emergency surgery they also told us that it was a posibility that she may not survive due to how bad it was...  As you can imagine my life fell apart at that moment and i lost my mind...As the family started to show up, i had to keep everyone together... from grandparents,uncles, her brother (my son)  lost it... It was the worst moment in my life... I never prayed so hard in my life, and i still do.  After 5 hours of surgury she had made it thur.. a real trooper but I knew she would.  A fighter like her mother,  thou she lost some speach and memory we were thankful that she was able to walk and move and speak and with help of therapy we are so thankful to all them peopel who helped her all the way thru.....So thankful to God...  Now 4 years later Amanda has had so much change, she is not the sweet young woman that she once was.   Now, She is bitter, angry, mean, disrespectful, has no friends, argues with everyone, defensive, very mean toward family memebers... says hurtful things and esp to me... If i tell you I have cried and cried and cried of seeing this change in her.   It brakes my heart!!!!!!!!!!!    I cant reach her, I cant talk to her because it leads into an argument... i try not to argue because i know its not her... But she dose not seem to think anything is wrong with her.  I dont know how to make her see that its her and she needs help.. Her father and i are divorced but we do get along and he is on the same page with me.... I cant see my baby girl go thru life angry and without no friends...nor family.    Please if anyone has gone thru this. HOW DO I CONVINCE HER TO SEE THAT SHE NEEDS HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How can her father and I help her since she is over age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    We need to do something, She has her entire life ahead of her and i want her happy and at peace with herself and her family who adores her... Please if anyone can relate here reach out to me i need help to help my baby girl....My heart aches...and i dont know how to help her.
I thank you and God Bless you all..
 
6 Comments
  • AHAASAKatie
    AHAASAKatie,
    Thank you so much for sharing what has happened with our community.Stroke's can alter personalities and cause changes like what you have seen in your daughter. I want to suggest that you call the American Stroke Association’s Stroke Family Warmline: 1-888-4-STROKE. The people working on our Warmline are specially trained and have personal experience with stroke. They are there for you, to listen and to help you get the information and resources you need. Best, Katie
  • bricha307
    bricha307,
    After my mom's stroke, we were told she will be her but a different version of her. I agree completely with Bahn (previous comment) that strokes change a person's personalities. The thing that helped my mom the most was having someone outside of our family she could talk to. She was fortunate to have a friend who was a therapist and they would have informal sessions (lunch or coffee) where they would just talk. She helped my mom with tools and resources on how to address her changes and helped her with communicating her needs to us. Praying for you and your family!
  • JJCHeart
    JJCHeart,
    Losing part of one's self, and one's image of themselves, is a cause for grief. The five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - take place a different stages for each person. And the movement through the process is not a straight road. People can go back and forth. A psychologist, or social worker, or a Pastoral Minister or Priest can often help a person through the process. As a care-giver, family and loved one, you may also benefit from talking with a psychologist, or social worker, or a Pastoral Minister or Priest. Care-givers, loved ones and family also have to work through the grief process.
  • Leslie1965
    Leslie1965,
    I am so sorry for all you are going through, while i have no idea what this is like, I can only imagine what I would do in that situation with my daughters. Please do not be hard on yourself, be patient and get help for yourself. I will lift you in prayer..... Regards ~ Leslie
  • FrannyE
    FrannyE,
    Liliana I am so sorry to hear all that your daughter is now experiencing. I feel there are definite personality changes with the aftermath of stroke. Two things came to mind. What about her meds? Some will definitely create personality changes including irritability, anger, hostility, depression to the point of suicidal. Also has she joined any stroke support groups? My daughter age 42 had her 3rd stroke 8 months ago. The first two she never even knew about. No symptoms that she can recall. We think it would be good for her to join a support group now. Her employment is being impacted by her compromised vision and short term memory issues. Healing is such a slow process and I'm sure you know that. I pray that there is a means to help her regain the personality you are longing for. However the brain can be selfish in what it will not give back. I will keep your daughter and all of your family in my prayers. Fran
  • Mel-WI
    Mel-WI,
    Dear Liliana, I come to you as a 36 year old recent stroke survivor..... who is struggling with the loss of my identity, grieving my prior life, balance of emotions & doing all of this as a single independent woman. I can tell you I am not the same person I was prior to my stroke. I wish I was and I'm not sure I will ever be. The brain and neuron's are a tricky and interesting web. There have been some positive changes maybe, but I do find myself bitter, angry, withdrawn from family & friends, but not lashing out to them. There very well could be some interactions from meds that your daughter is taking that could be influencing her attitude, that is for certain. I take a rather large cocktail of meds daily...but I also have many issues that stem from my stroke that have not been fully diagnosed yet. So I'm still a mystery to doctors...many that have given up on me. So I have to be my own advocate and that gets exhausting some days. I would be curious to know if the area of your daughters stroke and damage in her brain... if that has any potential reason for her disposition as well. Meds can really do a number on someone and interact in ways which we cannot control. One thing I can tell you... is be careful of your balance of concern for her and smothering her. That's a tough balance as you love her to pieces, but she needs some space to make her own choices. Even if for now that means pushing everyone away. I would hope for your sake she would recognize that after a few too many lonely days/nights & recognize she needs to seek help. You TELLING her is only going to push her away. Be patient... keep being you & leave your door open & answering your phone.... she will come around. You can make a subtle recommendation, but it needs to be her choice & her idea or it will never be acted on. At that age (as you know) she's trying to look for any normalcy she can after such a life altering event. There are MANY things she can't do that all her friends can do... well friends she used to have. She can be resentful of that. I know I'm struggling with that at the young age of 36. I was extremely active & my life has been turned upside down. I hope your daughter finds peace for herself.... I know I'm still working on that myself. If she ever signs up on this site she is more than welcome to seek me out to chat. I sincerely hope this gives you some clarity... I imagine as a mother on the outside looking in... it's not easy.... but as the daughter... it's a lot to adjust to. I know eventually I will embrace my new life. Sending my thoughts & prayers to your family. Melissa
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