Heart Failure changed my life.
We all deal with these things in our own way, but I think most of us feel a need to know how it effects others and we want hope.
I was going through one of the hardest times in my life. One day I got dizzy, fell, and smashed my partner's favorite antique lamp. I was more worried about him killing me than the fact that I couldn't get up. I was fifty years old. We went to the Insta Care. They immediatley called an ambulane. That scared me.
I don't know how the rest of you felt but " strange or weird " is how I would describe hearing " You have heart failure." " Over half of your heart is gone, or not working.
Then I was alone in the ER. Wow, it is something else when you realize what is happening. We have lost so many in our family from heart failure.
I have went through a stage where I wanted to know everything! My mom use to get mad at me. "Stop looking things up" she would say. I think most of us want to know! I sat in the kitchen with my uncle. He was telling me something when he fell off the chair and was gone! My grandfather dropped at work and another uncle at work and three cousins in their thirties, two in bed and one in the bath tub. This week another cousin passed away in the night!
I am not trying to be negative. I am just trying to help people realize what it is like to live with heart failure. That first day at the heart failure clinic is one that I will never forget. They have a round about way of letting you know! I mean, letting you know that you are going to die. The doctor put his hand on my knee and said " Your heart can not be fixed. " Wow! even though I have seen so much of it in my family, knowing it is you has a feeling that can not be explained, unless you get news like it. I will say that it effects those around us! It is so hard for them. They do not know what to say, especially when it is somebody young.
So, next month, I will get the defibulator. I don't want to drop dead yet!
To those who just found out, know that it is normal to feel what you are feeling and what your family feels. My twin goes nuts. " What will I do?" We need to think about our loved ones
It gets better. I am finally getting to a point where I am not constantly thinking about it.
One very positive thing that Heart Failure has given me is a desire to make every day a good one and to live my life with loved ones as much as I can! Love you all!
