Am I expecting too much July 6,  2020  8:25pm EST

Thank you so much for sharing this. Life after stroke is hard and we are here to help support you. Best Katie

Hi Hazel. I am my husband's caregiver.  He survived a massive stroke 12 years ago at age 51. I have a couple thoughts about our experience that I hope might be helpful to you.

1. A huge part of our being able to move forward was accepting that our life had changed. It took time but when we stopped looking at what we lost and instead focused on what we could accomplish, everything was better. We had to agree that we were creating a new life--a life that was different but would still be good. And it is!

2. We still work on recovery. As long as we are willing to work on recovery, recovery is possible. We still set goals for improvement and work on them. I don't even care if we accomplish any of them. Hope, goals, and our silly little celebrations for anything done well keep us up and going forward. 

I hope you have people who come alongside you on your journey. I always say Recovery is a Team Sport. We needed coaches, cheerleaders, and teammates. I hope you have a team. It has been hard to keep positive at times but it has been worth the effort.  You have already made it so far!  Keep it going!

I’m very sorry to hear about your struggles. This journey is difficult for everyone who goes through it although all strokes are different. 

Remember, you’re not alone. 

I am also a stroke survivor. 4 years ago at 46 years old, I suffered a major ischemic stroke. One of the most important things I learned early on was this; I’m no longer the same person. Suffering a brush with death, memory loss, physical disabilities and emotional scars are truly life changing. 

Let me offer this: while frustration and sadness is part of your reality, turn the tables on that!!!!! Try looking at any progress and the ‘good days’ as a victory and reason to celebrate. That mindset requires work. The same way physical therapy and speech therapy require work. 

The truth is we are NOT the same as we used to be. Accepting that is HUGE. A psychologist could be helpful in that process. 

As you know , some days are more difficult than other days in terms of completing everyday tasks. Those days can be a great time to evaluate why, how and what makes you feel better. And what makes you feel worse. 

Instead of mourning what you’ve lost, try looking at what you have become and set goals!!! Set them high and never stop working!!!