Mar 20
deejung9375
deejung9375 , Posted on SUPPORT NETWORK Blog

41 year old works to live

Hi, I'm Deana. I am 41 now and tryng to get through a day. Over 5 years ago on Novemeber 17, 2011, I woke up and got my kids off to school not feeling right. I kept repeating my words, smeling something weird. Had periods of this throughout the day till my daughter came home and saw the episode and said mom, call Big Andrew, my husband. I did, he came and got me, went to ER, CAT scan done and there it was the beginning of a new life, Brain Tumor. On December 20, 2011,my husband's birthday, I went through an 8 hour surgery and had my 1st stroke, ischemic. It took 3 days to come out of surgery with weakness and speech impairments. 3 months later I was back at work. I am a nurse. 2 years later, the 2nd came, did more damage, developed R foot drop. couldn't move my foot, my R side was weaker and it destroyed my ability to work. I had to go on disabilty. My speech impairment became worse, anxiety was beyond control. The area the stoke damaged was one the important parts of my life, my nursing. I went to therapy. Now 5 years, I still struggle. Some days you see me and can not figure why is this person is on disability. Then comes the days, more than the good, that show the damage from both.  I have no one around me who has gone through this. My mother in law had a brain tumor and removal. Now that did do a lot of damage to her. We both can not drive. When you have had most of everything that you enjoy taken away, its very difficult. People always say you have your family, your alive, be grateful. Yeah I know this. But try being alive in a body that is damaged, you have no control over at times when u pee or poop on yourself, you need a bib to eat. U increase in weight when u appetite is poor. U stuggle to shower on some days, cux its hard to get out of the bed.Cleaning the house, it takes 1 full day to do one room. That is my excercise.I am an avd reader, I can't read like I use to cuz I get severe headaches, i am grateful to be alive, but I do wish this to never hapen to anyone. I thank God everyday for my life, my family and I pray everyday for the pain to heal. I hope those out there can read this and maybe Pray. God bless.
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3 Comments
  • steedo
    steedo,
    I rated this blog 4 * the last two sentences lost you the 5th star! I should have my own blog to refer you to as I'm going to write the same as I have posted on this site many times. The first thing you must do is buy, borrow or even steal a copy of 'The Brains Way of Healing ' by Norman Doidge. The only way to recovery is by effort. there are no guarantees but the chances are just so much better than asking the same force[ if you are a believer] that stuffed up your life now to 'miraculously' fix it all up. Like everything in life its input = output. Repetition and forcing the use of the deficiency be it hand foot memory or whatever. I basically have my right hand back from completely immobile and no dexterity to 95% use and the arm is still at only 70% of pre stroke power. I'm working continuously on stopping my right leg from 'flicking' and as you say some days are better than others but incrementally [very very small] its getting better than it was. I came to the realization that those of us stroke victims who have good cognition actually go through a 'grieving" process not much different to losing someone very close to us, denial, guilt/bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Not always in that order. We grieve the loss of our old self. I also lost right side and I'm not left handed! My personal work for recovery is another story. I was already one that tended to be grumpy, but I got worse, not inclined to be depressed I got really depressed. Luckily my partner did most of the denial and refused to molly coddle me which I originally took as not caring and not understanding, but in fact she was continuing to treat me as a partner that she still valued me. Work on what you can. Yes everything is a new challenge but don't give up. Read as much as you can and accept you are going to get a headache[have u had an eye re assessment for glasses] keep cleaning and like me you may find the speed and endurance picks up? I used to feel like Ifelt after a full game of soccer when dressed myself [an hour and a half job after first having the stroke!] now its almost as it was before- I've found new way to put my pants on and get my socks on my foot.Read the Doidge book- it saved me! Relying on your god is worse ods than winning lotto for a blissful retirement!!
  • purple heart
    purple heart,
    Please think positively! I understand what you are going through! We look fine on the outside but there are limits on our insides! I too have drop foot which I developed in the hospital after I suffered a cardiac arrest at age 34! It helps me to find someone to talk to. After 17 years of not having someone and the councelors I spoke to did NOT understand me! So I found a support group which helps and today I am going to see a new theripist for help. Our road is not easy and we will have good days as well as bad days!!! Just remember each day find one good thing to focus on wether It be big or small! Be positive! We are all here to help you!
  • aktomlat03
    aktomlat03,
    You have my prayers from Alaska.
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