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Spencer Gets Locked Up Again...
My AFib Family - as you know, I have struggled with AFib and also depression and anxiety that was intensified by the AFib. It turns out that I am also bipolar II, which is bipolar lite... Hey! just as crazy but with half the calories and all the taste. And the medications to treat depression are very different than for bipolar. In fact, those drugs will accentuate the highs of bipolar and push you into a more profound manic state. My manic state were things like sleeping less than 30 min a day for over a week and never feeling tired or sleepy, compulsive urges to clean the house or scrub the kitchen floor for four hours and not realize that you were doing it. I would also like to note that my wife is rather cool with the whole night cleaning thing. There is also a loss of impulse control and taking unnecessary risk in many situations like driving. Thor helped me on those nights with his knowing looks and long walks in search of bacon.
So to that end, I am committing myself to a mental health hospital for 3-4 weeks to allow them to get my medications right and to try and break this cycle that I am in. My history of AFib and also being refractory for almost every drug attempted on me will make their job a bit more interesting. I intend to even terrorize them with my wit and sarcasm... but I guess I need to tread softly they could put me in a straightjacket. Going to watch "One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest" tonight. Need to get ready for this. So, Spencer is going to take his comedy routine on the road from the unconscious patients in the ICU to the funny farm.
I have stared into the abyss, and it has stared back at me. I have seen its attraction on many a dark and lonely night and the promise of rest and release. My tagline on the bottom of my posts is more for me to remember that the sun will rise again and that even on the darkest night the sun will surely rise. I have weathered too many dark nights, and I am getting too close to that edge. I need to have someone give me the tools to deal with this.
I am going in this Friday, and I will post something when I get out about my experiences. And of course, I will utilize all of my skills to describe what it is like on the inside. I am more than a little fearful of this act because I will lose my agency as an adult. All of my freedoms will be suspended while I am in their care. You never know how much freedom you have until you lose all of them.
I am going in to get better and to find my sunrise hopefully.
I know this is not related to AFib, but I wanted to let my friends on this board know that I will not be posting for a couple of weeks.
Waiting for my Sunrise.
PS Pix is a sunrise from one of my many cruises. This too shall pass and surely as night follows day, the sun shall rise for thee
Heartfe6878, June 13, 2018 6:53pm EST
Our dear Spencer,
So much has happened to you as I have followed along on your journey. You have been the glue and the whit that has added to our days as we travel the road of life with afib.We are all lucky to have you come across our paths. I wish for you that ease and grace comes into your situation. My eyes filled with tears as I read your note. I was thinking about how you touch our lives and how wonderful it will be to hear from you again after you pass through this time....I tell myself the only thing that is constant is change....But I know I look for those quiet moments of laughter and a quick smile from your posts...I will put a candle in the window each night as we await your return to us.....You will be in my thoughts each day as your travel through this journey.....
depotdoug, June 13, 2018 6:55pm EST
Bipolar II that is the lite BP. And nothing to do about BP blood pressure. Guess you won’t have to worry about AFIB for the next several weeks. Just waiting for a Sumshine and The Return is Spencer . A movie, “The Return if Spencer”.... Interesting.
Our Son has still has Bipolar and Paranoia and Schitzaphrenia(sp).
depotdoug, June 13, 2018 6:57pm EST
Say hi to THOR and keep him in Bacon supply, please.
Spencer, June 13, 2018 7:08pm EST
Thanks, Doug and Heartfelt. It is appreciated.
How do you pack for the funny farm? I am thinking of taking my loudest Hawaiin shirt. What do you think? I mean what do you bring? I guess they will wash clothes while I am there and I guess I will just lounge about in my sweats. But I think some shirts to screw with the nurses and docs is definitely in order. I also got to be careful as if I screwed with them too much they will sedate my butt or put me in a straight jacket.
Doug - sorry to hear about your son. Full bipolar can be devastating and it can just destroy a person's life.
depotdoug, June 13, 2018 8:06pm EST
It has. A broken son. Still in RSH.
lmaj, June 13, 2018 8:26pm EST
Dear Spencer. I applaud your courage. Admitting yourself as opposed to attempting to treat as an out patient, I think, is the right decision. Being monitored 24/7 as your team works to regulate the correct medication with your physical issues I think is the key to finding that sunrise. I know we all will be thinking about you and sendung you every good thought for the best possible outcomes as you receive the necessary tools to manage all of this.
All the best Linda
Arline3366, June 13, 2018 8:35pm EST
Get well, Spencer! We will miss you while you are temporarily gone. God bless.
HJKMS, June 13, 2018 9:12pm EST
Spencer, you will be missed. Prayers that all works out for you. I look forward to your posts when you return.
Jeanamo815, June 13, 2018 9:19pm EST
Spencer...you know that: I understand....I appreciate you and your humor, your wisdom, and your way with words....I care....and I know you are doing what is best for you.
You have always been such an asset to our forum and will continue to be when you come back. Your sunrise is awaiitng you....and we will all be waiting for you too. Many blessings to you in the days to come.
Always wishing you the best and honored to have you as a friend,
(My A-Fib Experience Community Leader)
Babypens, June 13, 2018 9:34pm EST
Haven’t posted in awhile but I still check the posts everyday. You are very brave to do this on your own and very brave to share it with all here. Will be praying that they help you out with meds and this ends up being positive for you when it’s over. I will be eagerly anticipating your return and the stories you have to tell. Will miss your posts.