FELIA
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FELIA, April 23,  2021  4:32pm EST

CAREGIVER OF 88 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH DIMENTIA

I  am a live in caregiver and I truly love what I am doing with exception of dealing with the family of this woman. Theyre inconsiderate of my time, my finances, since moving in I have literally NOT had a single complete day off or to myself. I have discussed this with the sons that are the primary source of contact - little has changed. When I plan appointments on a saturday I have had to reschedule because her son showed up 30 minutes late, I have had to reschedule dentist appointments, doctor appointments. When I inform whomever is supposed to pick up their mom of a time and that I have an appointment, it's doesn't matter. I finally laid out specific instructions and exactly what actions I will take when my time is imposed upon. This has helped, I advise her son of groceries she needs, he'll wait several days until I end up going to the store myself. I realize I'm making that decision-- however, this sweet woman should not go without food because her son's are jerks. I realize even as I write this I need to enforce being paid back for groceries.  I desperately need a break, my well is **** dry - I can't meditate, do my yoga - without interruption. Her son's treat me with little regard, the irony - I'm older than them. I'm college educated - I mention this because I KNOW I should not be treated as I am when I am caring for someone's mother (not my own) and treating her better than her children. I need a break!! 

2 Replies
  • AHAModerator
    AHAModerator, April 25,  2021  1:55pm EST

    Hello there,

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the support network. I am so sorry to hear about the complicated family dynamic around the woman you care for. I definitely understand why you are feeling this way, and it is completely valid. I hope that you will be able to come to a solution soon, but in the meantime, I will share a few resources with you on managing stress and mental health and well-being

    Please keep us updated on how you are doing. 

    Best wishes,

    AHA Moderator

  • Thumper2
    Thumper2, April 28,  2021  10:35am EST

    Felia, I'm sorry to hear of your situation.  You are right, that you deserve better treatment.  I wish someone else would respond here, but I wonder if there are ways you can embarass the sons into treating you better.  Can you call or email them at their work?  If they're married, can their wives be of help in keeping their husbands on time, etc.?  Can you insist on having groceries delivered to your house and charged to the son's  account?    Let us know if you come up with some other ideas, too.   

    Thumper2 (Judy)

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