Sadwife1010
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Sadwife1010, August 20,  2020  9:31pm EST

All dreams are dying

My husband had several strokes in late July. While he was hospitalized for the strokes he had a very serious gout attack which pretty much destroyed his knees. He has been in physical therapy for both conditions for a month now. I have been there for him all day, every day since his stroke. I have tried over and over to try to get him involved in something we can enjoy together, a short overnight trip, a staycation, a positive relaxing happy thing we could do together. BUT HE WONT, he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything, I am afraid there will be no more joy in our relationship or my life.

1 Reply
  • bahami1019
    bahami1019, September 15,  2020  9:44am EST

    I am SO sorry you are having to deal with this situation. I completely understand everything you are feeling and you are at the beginning of the road - it is confusing, depressing, upsetting, and a slew of other negative emotions. My husband dealt with several strokes (which luckily didn't negatively affect him) due to an artificial valve that was leaking and causing clots but unfortunately, the tests didn't show what the problem was and after the last stroke in April 2019 (which totally debilitated him cognitively) we took him to Mayo as I was determined to help him. Honestly, I didn't think they would find anything as the hospital we were going to have a stellar reputation but Mayo found the problem and he had a 14-hour open-heart surgery. Unfortunately, because of the severe cognitive deficits he is now unable to work and has no motivation or energy and he can't remember things even if you told him something 5 minutes prior. He spends all his time laying in bed and watching television and he has lost the empathy and ability to have a meaningful conversation with me. I know it's not his fault but there are times I get angry, sad, frustrated, etc. - I feel like I've lost my best friend and all our plans have gone by the wayside. Every stroke and every patient is different and even as bad as my husband is, he has gotten much better than where he was a couple of months after the stroke so there is hope. Remember also that a stroke causes extreme fatigue in the first few months so it's unlikely he will feel like doing much but hopefully for you things will get much better.  It's still very early in your journey so I wouldn't expect his fatigue to lift for a few months yet. I'd also check to see if it's possible he's dealing with depression - my husband did not deal with this because he is unaware of how much he has lost and while it affects me, I'm glad he isn't aware enough to get upset or depressed. This is a very confusing situation for you because there will be up and down days and it is very ******* the caregiver because I find that most doctors give extremely vague answers as to what to expect and I think that's because they simply don't know. I am trying to look at this message board more often but I only have time occasionally as I'm working full time at home while also trying to do everything we shared between us and taking care of my husband. The people here are kind and understand what you are going through and believe me, what you are feeling is perfectly normal.

     

    Barb

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