lizzie75
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lizzie75, November 27,  2020  9:24am EST

Need some advice

On February 14th of this year, my 45 year old husband suffered a massive stroke. He went through five weeks of intensive therapy to help learn how to walk again and to gain some independence back. When he came home, he received four more months of in home physical therapy. I have been his caregiver through all of this time. He has been suffering with depression and anxiety since the stroke and is on medications for it. When COVID shut everything down, my job was one of them but I was still getting my salary and he had to use up all the sick time he accumulated from his job. This worked out perfect for us since I was around every day to help take care of his needs for a couple months. I was called back into work two months later but my children were at home to help take care of him while I was at work. My oldest is in College while my other daughter is still in high school. We also have an 8 year old son. After going back to work, I wound up dealing with a lot of stress at work. Yes, girls were taking care of there Father but in reality were not helping with household upkeep. I was not asking much. Just to keep things cleaned up after making a mess. Instead, I would come home only to have to take on keeping the house clean plus try to spend as much time as I could with my son and try to spend time with my husband.

My mother-in-law was no help either from day one. Always starting fights with me and trying to get into my financial business like I did not know what I was doing. Granted, my husband always took care of all of that but now it was my responsibility. She also would nag him about numerous other things. While my husband was away in rehab, she had slandered me all over social media which took a toll on my mental health. Both my girls defended me fiercely on Facebook as well as a few friends of mine.

Fast forward to September. I started noticing my husband getting extremely agitated with me.I could not understand why. My husband is fully disabled because he had no feeling at all up and down his left side. He can use his arm and hand to do things but it is robotic like. When he grabs onto things, he has a tight grip which at times, i have to forcefully remove his fingers from the object. Yes he does walk also but no feeling down the left leg either. He was having a hard time adjusting to this because has been limited to what he can do. He started to feel he had no purpose in life. He also felt hopeless but not suicidal. I felt heartbroken because i did not know what to do to help him. I did not know that his Mother was bothering him telling him to think of the disability as retirement and that he had to find things to do. Well, retirement is where you are supposed to enjoy your life. He tried explaining numerous times to her that this was nothing like retirement. That he has limitations but she was relentless. He did not tell me any of this until it was a bit too late. He wound up snapping on his mother while I was on my way home from work with my Mother. I saw moving as fast as he could chasing her into her house. By the time I got into the house, he had her on the floor beating on her. He had called the Police prior telling them that he did not feel right. That he wanted to cause physical harm to her but they never made it in time. My Mom and I tried to pry him off but to no avail. I called 911 to report it. Not soon after, the Police arrived and filled him in that he needed to be easy with him and I quickly explained about the stroke. After he was evaluated by EMT's, he was taken to the Psych ward for evaluation. He only stayed a week and then came home. He has been assigned a Counselor but so far she has only seen him once a month. To me this is not enough. During his stay at the ward, he met a 20 year old girl who had issues like I had growing up. They made a connection. They chatted quite frequently after both being released. This girl says she is being treated as a servant in her house and my husband asked me to help him help her. He considers her a friend. So I tried but we were constantly butting heads. I feel like she is lying about everything and he does not want to hear that. Fast forward to now. Apparently it got so bad her this past week, we called the cops and now she has moved into my home. I have had to accept everything because I don't want to lose my marriage even thought we have been talking so much to one another. He thinks I am jealous. The problem is is that she admitted to both of us she has fallen in love with him but he told her he has no interest. That I am his wife  and he loves me. I started seeing a Counselor because he has told me I have changed so much. He is confusing me flip flopping back and forth telling me that I have to be authoritive with her but yet will get upset with me when I am. He said he has no intention of leaving me and I do believe him. My children see right through her and he has butted heads with them. Others who have come to my home this week said this not good and don't even like her as well. He said he does not want her permanently but it is for my benefit until I can actually get a better regiment going where I can handle my work, home life, and him. That i have had to bare to much responsibility. I told him you can't keep her locked up from the world. She needs to go out and find herself a life. She finally signed up for therapy and starts next week. She is constantly by his side whenever he moves and I am the one that is feeling pushed out but he is not seeing this. She is taking advantage of him because he is vulnerable and I know this in my gut. I am at wits end and do not know what to do. My Counselor has even said this is no good. I just need some help/advice on how I can handle this in a better way without looking like the bad guy. 

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