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MacBean, January 1,  2021  3:54pm EST

Need Balance and Sanity

Hi All,

I am new to this forum and I hope I am doing the right thing. My husband is 63 and contracted a virus in his heart in 2015 that resulted in CHF and EF of 17. He also has spine and hip arthritis and is in chronic pain. He suffered a heart attack after respritory arrest 2 years ago and had 2 stents implanted. He is on disability after being a vibrant hard working man in his prime. I work full time to meet our expenses. I try so hard to be supportive and a wife not a naggy mother figure. He is in denial and non- compliant in taking care of himself with diet and reduced sodium and he still smokes. Now his shortness of breath is getting real bad and we fear he may be progressing to another stage. I need help desperately to know what to do and how to support him without him getting angry and defensive. I love him dearly and the changes in him physically and emotionally are so very hard to bear. Anyone who has been in my position I am ooen to any suggestions. Thank you all in advance.



4 Replies
  • AHAKellie
    AHAKellie, January 2,  2021  11:38am EST

    I'm sure it's so difficult to see your husband go through this and try to help without feeling like you're nagging him. Caregiving is not easy, and it’s normal to feel unsure of yourself sometimes. The American Heart Association has resources for caregivers that may help, and I encourage you to talk with your husband's medical provider to get their perspective and suggestions. Also, remember that it's critical for you to take care of yourself physically and emotionally.

    Please know that you are not alone in this and that you can share anything and we will be here to listen. 


  • MacBean
    MacBean, January 3,  2021  1:34pm EST

    Thank you so much Kellie, I feel like a lifeline has been thrown to me.  We have a meeting with his cardiologist tomorrow and I am definately going to ask a lot of questions. Maybe this forum can help me to work through my issues and come up with coping strategies.

  • AHAKellie
    AHAKellie, January 3,  2021  8:11pm EST

    That's exactly what we're here for! Please keep us posted on what the cardiologist says. Good luck tomorrow!

  • JamesPL
    JamesPL, January 4,  2021  7:24pm EST

    It's very important that your husband wants to take care of himself. That's the only way he will. You could be the nagging wife but unless he wants to get better your "nagging" won't help. Have you considered counseling at all? Depression is not uncommon with this kind of diagnosis and anyone who is experiencing it could use help and may not realize it. I would urge you to seek counseling. Perhaps his cardiologist could suggest a therapist. My healthcare professionals recommended I seek counseling prior to my own heart surgery in anticipation of possible depression. I took their suggestions and found the sessions very helpful.

    Good luck to you!


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