CarriS
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CarriS, January 23,  2019  7:49pm EST

Looking for some support and advice

My husband of 25 years has 4 stents before the age of 50! In 2014 he had 3 stents put in and his widow maker was 90% blocked! Between genetics and smoking and being overweight and stressful job, it was a big warning. Since then he had another stent in 2016 and recently had a close call and we found out he is 70% blocked again, and is headed for anther stent. I am just at my wits end trying to take care of him. He will not do anything he is suppose to do! He did quit smoking in 2014 and I give him the upmost respect for doing that and know it was hard. But unfortunately its not enough, he needs to eat right and excerise and loose weight. He is also now diabetic, and his legs swell to the size of tree trunks at least 3 times a week. I cook only things he is allowed to have and try to get him to excerise but he wont and as soon as i am in bed or not around he eats any and everything he isnt allowed to have. He is especially bad when he is with his brother and at work. We have a 21yr old daughter and 18yr old son who dont want to loose their father, I dont want to loose my partner, soul mate, best friend! We have nagged and nagged, we have encouraged, we have ignored his bad behavior, I only cook good stuff. I am so conflicted, I go from sad and depressed about loosing him to mad and angry that he chooses food over staying here with us. He has been told by the family doctor and cardioloigst that he will not live long if he doesnt eat right and loose weight and that he could have a long life if did. What do I do? Let him die? Nag him every day? just enjoy the time left? How fair is that to our kids? Help!

 

3 Replies
  • AHAASAKatie
    AHAASAKatie, January 24,  2019  8:30am EST

    I am so sorry that you are having to manage this! Have you considered talking with a therapist to help you sort through your feelings? Would he be willing to talk with someone to see what are the barriers to changing his lifestyle? Please know, either way-we are here to listen and support your decisions. Best Katie

  • DolphinWrite
    DolphinWrite, February 12,  2019  12:39am EST

    One thing I know.  If I don't want to change, nobody is going to make that happen.  The careef I chose no one in my family ever thought I would.  I chose it, stress and all, because it was my idea. When I was in a funk, blue, I realized that I didn't want to be there anymore.  I prayed.  I think all you can do is do what you'really doing now, but as you indicated, don't keep telling him.  He has to come to that decision.  Just one person''s perspective.  God bless. 

  • MamieD
    MamieD, February 14,  2019  1:36pm EST

    Change in diet is huge for heart patients. It’s also very hard to get people to change their habits. What I do for my dad is ask him what he’s craving or would love to eat. I then find a way to recreate that meal in a healthy way. When people feel deprived of good, they will binge n cheat on their diets. Finding creative ways to make their favorites is key. For example, if it’s a Big Mac he’s craving, you can go to McDonald’s and order one without the burger... come home and make a turkey burger and baked fries. Your husband will still get the satisfaction of fast food without all of the negative effects that come with it. I cannot stress enough the importance getting creative in the kitchen is. Nobody should ever feel deprived. 

    Best of luck to you and your family. 

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