MrMrsWiggles
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MrMrsWiggles, April 26,  2020  12:08pm EST

How do I deal with my loved ones anger

My first post so please bear with me. My husband had a heart attack at age 38. It was misdiagnosed as a heat stroke by a tiny hospital that seemed to not care. At 39, After about 6 months of pain and frustration he was admitted through ER at a better hospital and a stent was placed. He was told he had a Heart Attack and because if the misdiagnosis hits heart damaged. He also was told he has CHF. Hes been so tired and sometimes it gets better and then it'll get worse. We were estranged from both sides of our family during this time and ended up homeless. After he was put on meds and things evened out his anger episodes got better. They can be intense, come out of the blue and always directed at me. He feels bad afterwards and apologizes. We were told that his heart issues directly relate to this. So the last couple months we  bought an unfinished shed home and have been staying in it in a field. He tried to work but got so exhausted he couldn't even drive home. His tiredness has gotten worse and worse... and now the anger episodes are back. He had a cath done last week and his cardiologist said that one more artery was 70% blocked but that he had moderately severe Cardiomyopathy. That his heart muscles were sick. We haven't had any of this explained and any research we do sounds so bleak. He is so tired all the time. And hes angry much of the time. It hurts so bad to see my normally very loving husband be this way. My soul feels like its breaking. Hes gotten so absentminded that it's dangerous. Forgetting to turn the gas off our camp stove, misplacing much needed items, so many things. Last week, the night after his heart cath he accidently pulled out in front of a speeding truck and totaled our only vehicle. We were lucky to only get bumps and bruises. I dont understand any of what's happening. I don't sleep. I'm scared he will die in his sleep so I constantly check to make sure he's breathing. (His mother died young in her sleep of the same thing and he found her). I'm trying so hard to handle this. He is my everything. I love him so much. I don't know how to help him. I've checked local counseling groups such as Mended Hearts but no one is meeting right now. It's been a year since we lost our house. We haven't had electricity or water in that time. Every time I try to work my anxiety about him being alone overwhelms me. I feel like a failure. I know he has every right to be as angry as he is. But I dont know how to help him deal with it. We are deeply religious and both feel we've only gotten this far because of prayer and faith in God. People look at him and cant believe hes really sick. Hes young and handsome...and frightened. I know I've rambled on and on, If you've made it through reading this far and have any advice for either of us...please help.

3 Replies
  • Cynthiaa
    Cynthiaa, April 26,  2020  3:40pm EST

    Hi MrMrs Wiggles, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your husbands heart condition and the difficult times you are both experiencing.  
     

    That much suffering causes anger.  And most of the anger is pointed at those we love and need the most.  
     

    During my time taking care of my mom ( 4 heart attacks, many stents and CHF), she lashed out often and threw things at me in anger. 

    You are doing the wonderful work of deeply loving.  You are enough - doing all you can.  I am glad you wrote, let me know how else I can support you. 
     

    Cynthia 

  • djvick5
    djvick5, April 26,  2020  7:17pm EST

    Hi MrMrs Wiggles,

    When your husband was admitted to the hospital, did anyone from the Social Services Dept at the hospital come to speak with you. With the condition that your husband is in with his heart. You should of been referred to a community service group or agency. To get you help with housing and support for his anger issues towards you Especialy if you don't have a real place to live. A shed is great for shelter from weather but you need running water and a place to actually sleep. You might try signing your husband up for permanent disability (whch he can get off of if he is able to work after his meds kick in to get his body and mind back on track. The Social Security dept is where you go to get this started. 

    You mentioned you are both very religious. You might try checking with a local church to see if they have any connections on getting you both some help to get back on your feet. I know the process is long and difficult at times. I have been there, but you need to start asking people in your community for help and someone is bound to know who you should talk to. 

     

  • AHAASAKatie
    AHAASAKatie, April 27,  2020  10:10am EST

    Good morning, I am so sorry that both of you are having to manage all of this. I am not surprised that ya'll are angry. You have been through so much and some of it could have been mismanaged by the medical community. While we can't really address that piece, we can let you know that you are not alone. I can give educational resources for you, as knowledge is also support.

    Cardiomyopathy

    Heart Failure

    Coping with Feelings

    If there is anything else I research for you, please let me know. 

    Best Katie

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