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dmt810, January 18,  2020  12:08am EST

Feeling so overwhelmed, looking for anyone to relate & ease my mind

I apologize for the long post. It's been a very rough week. So, the love of my life suffered a pretty big stroke last friday, the 10th. It was on the left side of his brain leaving him very weak on his right side, & unable to speak at all. He was in the ICU on a ventilator for almost a week. So, some background: he's 52, 53 on the 21st. He has quite a few health issues. 2 previous heart attacks within the past 6 years, & a stroke on 9/12/19. He has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, arteriosclerotic CAD, 5 cardiac stents, carotid artery stenosis, diagnosed with CHF in May 2018, copd, ischemic cardiomyopathy, severe sleep apnea. He has not made any effort to quit smoking, does not follow doctors orders, or take medications as prescribed. His neurologist said this stroke could've absolutely been prevented. I am so stressed, depressed, heartbroken, anxious, terrified, angry, & a million other things. I am the sole caregiver to our 2 year old son, 5 year old son, & 15 year old daughter. I spend 3-5hrs a day with him at the hospital, which I feel guilty about, but that's all I can do. I am trying so hard to keep it together, but it's killing me. He can't eat on his own so he has an ng tube. He can't communicate at all. He's just lying there in the hospital bed, pissing & crapping on himself, staring off at times, clearly frustrated, in a lot of pain because he also desperately needs a new right hip, sleeping on & off, all alone most of the time. I'm the only family, aside from his best friend who's visited a few times, that has been here daily. I'm expected to update everyone, take care of the kids, make sure he's getting all the care he needs, & take care of myself. There is no end in sight. He will need acute rehab after discharge, & I will be his primary caregiver at home. I was supposed to go back to school this semester, but because he didn't listen, & kept on living like nothing was wrong here I am. I love him so incredibly much, but I wanna punch him square in his jaw. I'm really hoping someone out there can relate, & give me some hope. I'm dyin over here ya'll.

2 Replies
  • JamesPL
    JamesPL, January 20,  2020  5:25pm EST

    I am so sorry to hear the struggles you are going through with your husband. Life is difficult enough without health issues so when health problems occur, it can be severely stressful. For that reason, it is so important that you think of yourself and your own needs as well. You need to find time for yourself and create some much needed relaxation time. I know that sounds easier said than done but you are also caring for three children who are dependent on you.

    It's a shame that your husband hasn't followed his doctors orders and is now struggling with his current illness. Perhaps this is the one that will make him realize the importance doing what his doctor says and taking whatever meds he/she has prescribed. I would show him exactly what you've posted here. You have described in great detail what you want and need from him and he needs to hear that from you! You may also want to consider seeking counseling for him as soon as his condition improves. Therapists can often make us aware of things we can't see without help.

    I don't know what his healthcare professionals have said about his prognosis but always remember the amazing care and techology that we have these days which can work miracles regardless of one's diagnosis.

    I wish you all the best!


  • AHAASAKatie
    AHAASAKatie, January 21,  2020  10:02am EST

    Good morning! Jim has said much of what I would have said as well. I also want to encourage you to seek counseling to help with all that you are managing. Please know that a great many of us understand what you are experiencing. In my family, it's my mother who is non-compliant and really hard to help and care for.  We are were whenever you need to to talk, Best Katie 

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