rm5ashland
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rm5ashland, August 16,  2019  1:10pm EST

Feeling Overwhelmed

Hello All. I am new to this site. I am very grateful to a friend of mine that found this site for me. I know everyone is going through their own path in life and evryone is different. My husband had a heart attack and triple by-pass in June. He is doing well. He has started Cardio Rehab this week. We get up and walk 2.5 miles in the morning. He is doing well and looks good. I am new to this. But there are so many emotions going on in my head and heart. I know he has gone through major trauma and that part was so scary but this emtional part after is sooo hard. He has the right to be scared and nervous and I feel guilty  at the same time for feeling overwhelmed. He got frustrated the other day and instead of talking he takes his blood pressure machine out and says his blood pressure is 168/80. I just don't feel like the medical area is an area to joke about.(his blood pressure was not high) Which than in return I get mad. He seems paranod about things and I feel guilty being frustrated by it. The other day we were thrown a curve. My husband kept saying I got new plumbing and I am good for another 56 years. But we went to the Cardiologist who stated to us that the new pathways that they used aren't as good as your original ones so sometimes people might need stents. Sometimes people are good for a short time a long time. It all depends. Wow- that threw us both off a bit. We are trying to live with our new normal. Everyone asks how can we help and at this point it is all mental so I don't know how to ask for help. Thank you for listening. 

3 Replies
  • gandersona
    gandersona, August 19,  2019  6:48am EST

    Hi,

    I just signed in today and I don’t know what I can say to help except that I understand what your going thru!! My husband has triple bypass 4months ago and nothing is the same. Struggling to find our new normal!

  • AHAASAKatie
    AHAASAKatie, August 19,  2019  9:05am EST

    Good morning, I am so sorry that both of you are having to manage this and very glad you are here with us.  Being a caregiver is very hard, both emotionally and physically. I can share the resources we have on life after a heart attack, as this might help you understand what to is coming next. Please know that we are here for you, to help get through this time. Best Katie

  • tinamarie15
    tinamarie15, August 22,  2019  7:42pm EST

    Hey,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, and wish him a speedy recovery. 

    I just wanted to reach out and let you know that you are not alone. It’s okay to be frustrated, sad, confused, overwhelmed and literally every other emotion there is under the sun. And to be clear, that applies to your husband AND YOU. Being a caregiver isn’t easy. Lately when people ask me how I’m doing I relate it to coaching. All you can do is yell from the sidelines and be there to cheer them on and try to correct / guide them to the path you believe to be right; but in the end that’s all you can do. You can’t live a day in their shoes and truly understand how they feel. You can’t make them do anything, or absorb the message you wish they would. All you can do is be there. 

    Being afraid is also normal, as scary as that statement is. My husband just recently had two unexplained strokes at 39 years old (I know, super lucky guy- heavy sarcasm.) Our first few months at home have been SCARY, because we don’t know what to expect. We assumed every headache was another stroke and don’t know what’s around every corner. But you know what, that’s okay. Quite frankly we are still scared. But the best you can do is take your medicine, do the therapy, push as hard as you can to stay on the right path and PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS and act accordingly  

    When I say that I mean this- A few months ago my husband was making his “I’m uncomfortable but don’t want to talk about it” face. Me being the caregiver I asked, what’s wrong. He said he has a headache behind one of his eyes and the pain is stretching down his neck (how the first one started.) In a calming don’t freak out breath, I asked if he was feeling anything else and on the 1-10 scale; what are we looking at. He told me a 3, but he hasn’t had any coffee in 3 days (RELIGIOUS coffee guy) and has been trying to self medicate off his anxiety medicine (..yeah, no.) Another calming breath- Okay well tell me if you get to a 5, here’s a coffee and one of your pill (stink eye), and lets go from there. And we did, we were sweating perfusely and I don’t think I’ve ever hovered so much in my life. But we ended up being fine. Just a normal headache. The moral of the story here is this- you are going to feel scared, that’s normal. The only way to feel less scared is to live in your new normal and take it a day at a time. What’s important is you listen to his body, that he’s honest with how’s he’s feeling, and act accordingly. 

    We are here for you!  

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