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MrsMcAfee, May 21,  2021  10:34am EST

Exhausted and Scared

We are in year 10 of my husband's heart condition. He has survived 2 widow maker’s, 2 other cardiac arrests, has 7 stints, and recently survived his pacemaker/difbulator going off due to his heart going into A-Fib. The statins he takes has led to diabetes and confusion.  Over the years he has slowly changed, he is negative almost all the time, get confused easily and when I try to explain things, he accuses me of treating him as if he’s stupid.  When he asks me, what’s wrong and I try to tell him how I’m feeling, he just gets mad and says I’m being difficult or treating him like he’s stupid.  Over the years, I just keep adjusting as he changes and changes things in the house.  We have a whole set of understanding’s (rules) so that he can find things without feeling “like he lost it”.  Several years ago, our daughter made a school project that I thought was adorable and put on a shelf in our home office.  This morning, I noticed that a piece of it had been knocked over.  When I said “oh, a piece broke off, need to get out the glue gun”, his response was “you don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to throw that **** thing out, it’s stupid”.   For some reason I am crushed, I cannot stop crying and he is just getting madder and madder.  In a little while he will act like nothing has happened and I am supposed to act normal (aka happy) and pretend that I am over it.   I realize I need a support group but don’t know where to turn.  Are there support groups for family members of Heart disease patients?  Sorry for the rambling.

3 Replies
  • AHAModerator
    AHAModerator, May 21,  2021  4:25pm EST

    Hi there!

    Thank you for joining the support network and sharing your story. I am glad you are here and hope that you find the support that you need. I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling with dealing with your husband's mood/temper lately. As you look through the other posts on the support network, you will surely see many stories that are nearly identical to your own. You are not alone in having to deal with issues like the ones you described. You say that you are looking for a support group for family members and you have definitely found one! This is a safe space for people to share their stories and get advice from others going through similar experiences. Here is a resource for you on Communication Tips for Caregivers that you may find helpful. 

    Please keep us updated.


    AHA Moderator

  • JamesPL
    JamesPL, May 21,  2021  11:28pm EST

    You've been given some good advice about turning to an online resource but you should seek out support groups in your local community as well. Speaking with others in a live setting who are in a similar situation is invaluable. I joined a support group after my heart surgery and it was nice to speak with others that truly understood my own experience.

    Regarding your husband, have you looked into cardiac rehab at all? if not, please do. Talk to his cardiologist about it. I preach a lot about exercise on this site and I swear by it. It is stimulating for the heart and mind. It has a very positive effect on mental well being. In cardiac rehab, they show you the best things that you should do to benefit your heart and give you some great tips for continuing on your own. 

    Wishing you both well!


  • MrsMcAfee
    MrsMcAfee, May 24,  2021  10:45am EST

    Thank you JamesPL and moderator.  I will look for a local support group as well as talk to our cardiologist about more rehab.  I'm normally a very stong person and it took me a long time to understand that I need some help with this too.  I appreciate ya'lls input.

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