Laschilb
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Laschilb, January 25,  2020  8:49pm EST

Defining Loss

Background: my 39 year old husband had a massive stroke and in the last 12 months I've lost my mom, my 12 year old dog, my favorite job ever, my beautiful home, and, my sanity. 
I've settled into our new life in a different state so my in-laws can help me provide care       I finally reached out for help. I decided to go where my husband receives his mental health care. During  a weird intake session, my husband's therapist is asking me to describe what has brought me there. I decided to be completely honest and use a word I had never said out loud in the months since my husband's stroke. That I lost my husband. This guy interrupted me sentence to correct me, that I hadn't "lost" my husband, and went on to explain why. 
I am so livid. I decided on that word because it accurately depicted my agony. I needed someone to hear the depth of this loss. 
This has been overwhelmingly on my mind for the last week. 
Tonight we went out on a date. It went horribly. I didn't know where to park and he had to walk pretty far. I know he was tired.  He was so angry and frustrated that he screamed NO at me over and over and over until an entire parking lot full of people going to the circus. I was so embarrassed. I can't just walk away. I have to stand there and take it. 
What do you do when you just want to quit? I
 

1 Reply
  • JamesPL
    JamesPL, January 26,  2020  8:05pm EST

    I am so very sorry to hear of all your struggles and for the loss of your mom. Are your in-laws able to provide you with the help you need? I'm asking because it is so important for you to have time for yourself. You won't be able to provide much help for your husband if you are in so much need of help for yourself. You need to break away on occasion to get some much needed relaxation. It's good that your husband is seeing a therapist but perhaps counseling for you would also be helpful. Going out together is also important. Is it possible that someone could drop you off and pick you up on the next date to save the aggrivation you went through on the last date?

    I hope for the best for you and your husband. Please update us on your progress.

    Jim

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